Hairline Fracture.

I seriously don’t know what to do about my hair.

A couple of months ago, I said to myself “Screw it, I’m chopping it all off.” It wasn’t exactly LONG, but it was in shit condition, so at least the Big Hack fixed that.

I had it cut to the shortest it has ever been, excluding the baldy baby stage. When I was a baby.

Bree New Hair
Head tilted at the correct angle.

And I hated it.

It was only if I tilted my head at the right angle when I was looking in the mirror that it looked half decent, but every other time I looked like a 1960’s housewife, with a big, boofy coiffure around my tiny face. I had the world’s most enormous head. I was like one of those cats who are a big ball of fluff until you shave them, and then they look like a skinned rat. And the way it was cut meant that I couldn’t slick it all back (it was DESIGNED to be boofy! [Cue cheesy hairdresser whose eyes are in danger of being removed via a spoon and a knee to the chest]) and if I didn’t put any product in it, I looked like Justin Beiber when he used to brush all his hair forward. On a bad day.

Rolling forward a couple of months and we get to now. I still have the world’s most enormous head, only bigger. The neighbours are starting to call me Mittens and offering me fish. (I can live with that). If I don’t put any product in it… oh hang on. I DON’T put any product in it. I don’t want to make it bigger than it already is. Of course, it refuses to do anything I want it to, so it ends up in weird waves and bumps that are simply unattractive.

Bad Hair Day
Also taken in the bathroom in case of vomiting from ugly hair.

I think I’m growing it long(ish) again.

But OH MY LORD I AM GOING TO GO BONKERS WAITING FOR IT TO BE BREE-ISH AGAIN!

Now, I’m not the world’s most shrinking violet.  I would happily colour it bright red and orange and stick it straight up in the air so I look like there’s a FUCKING FLAME ON MY HEAD. Only that would take time and effort, and I am sadly, extremely lazy.

My question to you all is: Ladies, what do you do with hair disasters? Do you simply curl up in your house for two years until it all looks better? Or is there a less creepy-hermit solution? I await your responses with bated breath.

Sorry. That’s from all the fish.

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Hairline Fracture.
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