I seriously don’t know what to do about my hair.
A couple of months ago, I said to myself “Screw it, I’m chopping it all off.” It wasn’t exactly LONG, but it was in shit condition, so at least the Big Hack fixed that.
I had it cut to the shortest it has ever been, excluding the baldy baby stage. When I was a baby.
And I hated it.
It was only if I tilted my head at the right angle when I was looking in the mirror that it looked half decent, but every other time I looked like a 1960’s housewife, with a big, boofy coiffure around my tiny face. I had the world’s most enormous head. I was like one of those cats who are a big ball of fluff until you shave them, and then they look like a skinned rat. And the way it was cut meant that I couldn’t slick it all back (it was DESIGNED to be boofy! [Cue cheesy hairdresser whose eyes are in danger of being removed via a spoon and a knee to the chest]) and if I didn’t put any product in it, I looked like Justin Beiber when he used to brush all his hair forward. On a bad day.
Rolling forward a couple of months and we get to now. I still have the world’s most enormous head, only bigger. The neighbours are starting to call me Mittens and offering me fish. (I can live with that). If I don’t put any product in it… oh hang on. I DON’T put any product in it. I don’t want to make it bigger than it already is. Of course, it refuses to do anything I want it to, so it ends up in weird waves and bumps that are simply unattractive.
I think I’m growing it long(ish) again.
But OH MY LORD I AM GOING TO GO BONKERS WAITING FOR IT TO BE BREE-ISH AGAIN!
Now, I’m not the world’s most shrinking violet. I would happily colour it bright red and orange and stick it straight up in the air so I look like there’s a FUCKING FLAME ON MY HEAD. Only that would take time and effort, and I am sadly, extremely lazy.
My question to you all is: Ladies, what do you do with hair disasters? Do you simply curl up in your house for two years until it all looks better? Or is there a less creepy-hermit solution? I await your responses with bated breath.
Sorry. That’s from all the fish.
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